Updated: Sep 8
One of the questions we often hear from singles is “How do I say no to a second date?”
You might have been there. You’ve been on a first date with someone. Maybe it was nice enough, maybe not. The person you were dating really wants a second date, but you’re not so sure about that. Or maybe you’re absolutely sure you DON’T want a second date, you’re just sure how to say it.
You wonder because you care
What’s nice about you asking how to say no to a second date, is that it demonstrates that you care. You probably know that lots of people don’t care about that at all and just move right along or ghost their partner. Perhaps you’ve been on the receiving end of that? So good for you for caring enough to ask this question.
We always figure it’s worth acting towards your dates as you would like your dates to act towards you, and that goes whether or not you want to see that person again.
In our work, we consider even a coffee date a relationship, albeit a very short one. Even a short relationship is an opportunity for you to show up as the kind of person you would like to be in relationship. Every date, every relationship, brief or long lasting, is practice for your next relationship.
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First time I said no to a second date
I still remember the first time I used what we’re about to suggest to you. I’d been on a date with a nice woman, but afterwards I did not want to go on a second date. The truth was I was interested in someone else, and I didn’t want to be dating two people at the same time.
So I called her up (this was before messaging and dating apps, we actually met in a bar). I was nervous and expecting a triggered reaction, but she surprised me by thanking me for calling her and telling her this. She said no one had ever done that before. I, in turn, was grateful for her kind response to my phone call.
We had a nice chat and that was that. We both left feeling good. Best of all, I felt free and clear to pursue the date I was interested in.
Here’s what we recommend you say when you want to say no to a second date. You can of course modify as you please but try it out.
Watch the YouTube video of this post with Sonika & Christian
You start with an appreciation
You start with an appreciation, then you say that you’re not inspired to set up another date, but you’ll let him or her know if that changes.
For example, what I said on the phone was, “Thanks for a really nice time, I enjoyed getting to meet you. I’m not inspired to set up more dates for now” If you like, you can add, “but I’ll absolutely let you know if that changes”. There was more small talk around the edges, but this is the essence of it.
Appreciate and acknowledge the other person and/or their good intent, then say no thanks. Simple, direct, and kind.
Try it out and see how it goes.
LoveWorks: We believe relationships are meant to be an empowering, fun, passionate, safe place to grow, love, and learn. Where we get to be more of who we are, not less. We know it’s not always easy, but it can definitely be easier! With our unique and practical approach to relationship, you learn how to resolve conflicts quickly and enjoy fulfilling intimacy for the rest of your life. To learn more or contact us, visit www.loveworkssolution.com.