"I Just Want Her Truth!"

He came to coaching on the heels of collapse, of transformation, of not knowing what would happen next.

He was married, a father. His life had been turned upside down by his own struggle with addiction and his wife’s affair.

Their relationship had been gutted, gutted again, and now they were trying, haltingly, to see if anything could be rebuilt.

Meet me there

He was doing his personal work. He’d gone through rehab, gotten sober, and had faced a lot of his inner demons. He took on coaching in the pursuit to rebuild his own integrity as well as his marriage.

And he wanted her to meet him there.

He wanted her to be accountable. He wanted her to take responsibility. He wanted her to say she was sorry.

He wanted her to get it. To acknowledge what she had done, the impact it had on him, on their family, on their kids. After all, he had acknowledged his own actions and the negative impacts on the family.

It made sense. When someone breaks your trust—especially after you’ve broken theirs—it’s easy to feel like they owe you something. And sometimes, they do.

But what stood out most to me wasn’t his anger. It was his longing.

Even in his frustration, you could hear it:

“I just want her to be real with me.”

“I want to feel like she’s in this with me.”

“I want to know what’s really going on inside her.”

In coaching, we kept peeling back layers. Each week, he came in a little clearer, a little softer, a little more rooted in himself.

And then, in one memorable conversation, he said something that really landed:

“I don’t need her to say sorry or take accountability. I just want her truth.”

There was a long silence.

This wasn’t some heroic moment of spiritual bypassing. It wasn’t him giving up his right to be hurt. It wasn’t letting her off the hook.

Without truth, you're managing optics

It was him seeing the deeper truth under all the pain:

That what he really wanted wasn’t revenge or justice. What he really wanted… was intimacy.

To know her.

To be known.

To sit in the messy, unscripted, honest place between two people who have hurt each other, changed, grown, and still want to connect.

He didn’t want her to perform remorse. He didn’t want a checklist of apologies. He didn’t want her to say what she thought he needed to hear.

He wanted her truth.

Whatever that was. Even if it hurt. Even if it wasn’t clean or tidy. Even if it wasn’t what he hoped.

Because her truth—that was real. That was alive. That was something he could actually meet, respond to, trust.

I see this often in my work with men. Beneath the anger, the demands, the desire to be “right” or validated, there’s something much more tender: a desire for connection. For something real. For truth.

And yes, sometimes that truth is messy. It can’t be predicted or controlled. But it’s the only thing you can really build a relationship on.

Without truth, you’re just managing optics.

Without truth, you're living in separate worlds.

Without truth, you’re rebuilding your house on a foundation of sand.

Without truth, you’re trying to heal something without knowing what actually needs healing.

That moment with him felt like a doorway. A shift from “make this fair” to “meet me here.” From “pay your debt” to “show me who you are now.”

It’s a powerful reframe in any relationship—especially one trying to heal after betrayal or rupture.

It’s not that accountability doesn’t matter. It does. But at some point, if there’s going to be reconnection, it can’t just be about who owes - or owns - what.

It has to become about who are you now? What is true for you? Can I meet you here, in this moment, without pretending or performing?

That’s where intimacy begins again. That’s where healing can take root. That’s where two people can find their way back—not to who they were, but to something more honest, more human.

You can reach out to us anytime for an informal chat to see how we can help you.

LoveWorks: We believe relationships are meant to be an empowering, fun, passionate, safe place to grow, love, and learn. Where we get to be more of who we are, not less. We know it’s not always easy, but it can definitely be easier! With our unique and practical approach to relationship, you learn how to resolve conflicts quickly and enjoy fulfilling intimacy for the rest of your life. To learn more or contact us, visit www.loveworkssolution.com.