Maybe it’s because I lived the better part of my life in Denmark where the greyness of winter seems interminable. By the time spring shows up, I always feel a great urge to shake off the dust and drabness and do what nature does: burst into vibrant life with renewed energy.
The Wallpaper effect
Sometimes, that’s exactly what our relationship needs too. Not because it’s spring, really, but because even the best of us can be hit by the “wallpaper effect”. That is, your partner and your relationship begin to appear like your wallpaper: just there, barely noticeable. This is when you're going through the motions on autopilot, taking your relationship and life for granted. That’s when you know something needs a boost of energy and change!
Here are some light-hearted ideas to add some spring energy into your relationship.
Embrace the Mess
Let's face it - relationships can be messy. So, instead of trying to clean everything up, why not embrace the chaos? Laugh at your partner's quirks and idiosyncrasies, and appreciate the imperfect beauty of your relationship. Especially if you tend to like things neat and tidy (like Sonika and I both do), it can free up a lot of energy to go the other way, even just for a day.
Try Something New
We all get stuck in routines and habits. Good or bad, habits allow us to do things without much expenditure of energy. For instance, you can brush your teeth or take a shower with near-zero active awareness. Breaking up routines and trying new things can produce fresh hits of aliveness. So why not try something new in your relationship? Go to a new restaurant, try a new position in the bedroom, or take a walk in a neighborhood you’ve never been to. Or do a relationship workshop like this one. Whether you do it with your partner or by yourself, breaking any routine makes you feel alive.
Hanging on to “stuff” locks up your energy, attention, and resources. We recently helped clean out a friend’s storage unit. He was paying hundreds of dollars every month to hang on to stuff he didn’t even want. In relationship terms, this means getting rid of emotional “stuff” you’ve been hanging on to. You probably know what I'm talking about – little annoyances that weigh on you for months (or even years).
Maybe it's the fact that your partner leaves their dirty laundry on the floor, or maybe the way they chew their food, or get into monologues about health food. Maybe it's "that thing" that happened on your honeymoon, or that your partner just can't make your morning coffee to your liking.
Whatever the “stuff” is, it’ll free up your energy to let it go. Take a deep breath and remember all the reasons you love your partner. Then, let the little annoyances fly away like the seeds of a dandelion.
(Please note we’re not saying you should “let go” of legitimate hurts or concerns … those still need attention).
Keep It Fun
Relationships need a bit of fun. That shouldn't surprise anyone, but somehow, we still forget. Don't take yourselves too seriously, and make sure to inject humor and playfulness into your everyday lives. Whether it's a tickle fight, a prank, or a silly dance party, keeping things light and fun can go a long way in keeping your relationship healthy and happy.
In our house, blasting loud music and having a good dance session is a go-to way to have some fun and break up the energy. Yesterday, Sonika and I had a good laugh impersonating each other in the shower (we have a two-headed shower with one temperature control ... I know, it's a setup for disaster :-): “OMG, it’s so hot my scalp is melting” … “What! There are practically ice cubes coming out of this shower!!”.
All of this to say, try something lighthearted to free up energy in yourself and your relationship. Don’t let the wall paper effect lull you to sleep. Remember, relationships are complex and multifaceted. Sometimes you need deep, serious, raw conversation. Sometimes, you just need a burst of spring and aliveness.
Have fun and happy spring!
PS. If you need a relationship boost, this event is a great opportunity.
♥️ Sonika & Christian
LoveWorks: We believe relationships are meant to be an empowering, fun, passionate, safe place to grow, love, and learn. Where we get to be more of who we are, not less. We know it’s not always easy, but it can definitely be easier! With our unique and practical approach to relationship, you learn how to resolve conflicts quickly and enjoy fulfilling intimacy for the rest of your life. To learn more or contact us, visit www.loveworkssolution.com.